Dear Barry

I need cash for help with legal bills for my urination problem.

It all started a while back. I was in the line for the ATM on a busy Saturday.

There were 3, maybe 4 people in front and by the time I got to the machine there must have been 6 or 7 more behind me. The thing is , when it was my turn, instead of getting out my card and putting it in the ATM I pulled out my penis and urinated all over the wall and the machine.

I have no idea why I did this but it was like an out of body experience.

It was like I was floating above looking down on this freak urinating over the ATM or like watching a movie or something. The fat fucks behind me were screamin and shoutin and it was mayhem.

I ran off and when I got home I laughed and laughed. I decided I liked it and the public shock I had caused. From that point on I couldn’t go to an ATM without urinating.

It got so bad I was deliberately drinking pints and pints of water until I was fit to burst and then heading out to satisfy my new found perversion.

Eventually I was apprehended by a crowd of angry ATM users who held me down until the cops came.

I now face a hefty fine and compensation claims from angry San Diego residents, not to mention the banks. The Legal bill is going to be big - please help so I don’t go bust.

I would also like to purchase my own ATM machine and install it at home in the bathroom.

Earwyn Banning Jnr