it has snowballed
I went hiking in the wilderness without telling anyone where I was going, and then in a deep, narrow crevice, got my scrotum trapped between a boulder and the canyon wall. I know - painful.
I was there for 128 hours before, delirious and hallucinating, I bit off one of my testicles and spat it out freeing myself from my rocky prison.
Unfortunately my testicle rolled down the mountain gathering snow until it became a giant 1km wide testicle death snowball. It flattened my village at the bottom of the valley, killing my entire family, including Auntie Chiang-chup and my fiancee Tshe-wang, who was pregnant.
I am an upbeat and resilient person and am optimistic that when the snow thaws I will be able to find my missing testicle which should have been preserved in the ice.
I require funding to take my bollock to the big hospital in the city where I am confident it can be reattached and I can find a new woman to impregnate.
I have looked at the prices on the web and bollock reattachment ops are very pricey.
Can you help?