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Angry Tower

Angry Tower

Hi Barry,

As you may have noticed there is a lot of anger in the world these days. Many folks are worried about all the tension and outrage that is floating on the air.

I am not.

In fact I am very excited. Why you ask?

 Because I have after many years of intense research discovered the secret to harvesting  and converting atmospheric human emotion to electricity.

I can’t give away any secrets but basically I place my angry antenna somewhere high and it picks up all the bad vibes floating across the atmosphere.  It then runs from there to a set of re-chargable lithium batteries where it is stored till needed.

The angrier people are the quicker the quicker the batteries fill up.

Think of it, everytime you have a shouting match with a loved one, or a social media battle my angry antenna will pick it up and generate power. It could change the world.

Angry at Donald Trump? You’ve just helped a hospital run its lights for a week.  Angry at Hilary Clinton? Your rage has helped power a water well in the Sudan. Stubbed your toe? An cat orphanage in Argentina X Ray machine will work.

So what do i want from you? My invention works but I now need funds to buy Nikolai Tesla’s old lab at Wardencliffe, New York.

Here I will erect a three thousand foot tall tower to harvest the pissed off energy of New York City.

But the area it can pick up may even reach to Quebec — think of all the anger flowing from French Canadians made to speak English)

I think it’s only fitting that i should unveil to the world my discovery at such a hallowed place in suppressed innovation. And once they see it soon Angry Towers will be all over the world

I won’t lie, it will be expensive, 40 million dollars but it’s a small price to pay to change the world.

I know you will do what is right,


Montrose Patrick Ellen

Straight Talking

Stop my Sayings

Dearest Barry,

I have read most of your other begs and they strike me as silly, obvious con jobs designed to lift the cash from your no doubt gigantic bank account

Well I am different. I’m a plain speaking man, raised honest in the endless cornfields of Norwich so I’m not going to beat about the bush, go round the houses, call a spade a fork, try and flim flam you, pull the wool over your eyes, tell you my auntie is my uncle, sell you a pig in a poke, lead you by the nose, pull a fast one, visit Alice in the bakers or take you to the cleaners.

To cut a long story short I just want a donation so I can stop the unstoppable urge to endlessly compound my sentences with well known phrases. It’s sending me and my family crazy like a loon, up the wall, round the bend, away with the fairies, bats in the belfry, going postal with metal hands and, well you get the picture, are clued in, know the score, woke like waco, know the 411, are in the know. 

So please flash the cash, make it rain, deal the dosh, fork out, cough up, feed the meter, tap the monkey in its special place to help, as you can't take it with you, no pockets in shrouds, money is meant for spending, charity begins at my house.  


Judd Crossbar

PS You never know how strong you are till you are boiled alive in a teacup