Demon in my Hotpoint
I’ll come straight to the point. One of my home appliances has been invaded by supernatural entities who are terrorising my family and making my life a living hell!
It began when my youngest son Nicholas tried to clean his pet chicken in the washing machine. The poor bird was killed but its blood sacrifice meant a demon was able to take up residence inside our Bosch washer dryer (which incidentally we got it on a really good deal from John Lewis).
Since then all the families clothes have smelt of sulphur and my kids go to school smelling of rotten eggs. To be fair, drying is a lot quicker now with the machine being powered by the fires of hell (but get the timing wrong and the kid’s PE kits are reduced to ashes)
I’ve contacted a ‘White Goods Witch’ through Gumtree who says she can get rid of the demon for 50K in cash. Could you please forward me the money so I can instruct her to send this spin cycle spirit back where it came from.
Though thinking about it, it could be cheaper to buy a new washing machine. So could you send a grand for that please as well.
Please please help
I am at the end of my tether, something terrible has happened and I need your help.
The other day a delivery man accidently dropped off a neighbors package at my door.
I’m ashamed to admit this but I opened the package and found a mysterious glass fronted black box inside. It had a plug, so I plugged it in the corner and then all hell broke loose.
A strange man appeared in the box and started talking really, really, really fast.
I nearly shat meself and ran upstairs and hid in a wardrobe. I haven’t been down there since except to take a picture of what I believe is a psychic invasion like that one through the fridge in Ghostbusters.
Have a look at it and see what you think? Frightening isn’t to think such a creature is loose in our world?
If you could send me some money or even better hire an army of psychic investigators to come round my house we can stop what could be the end of our world.
Yours trembling like a leaf being shook in a washing machine in a richter scale 6 earthquake in a country being wobbled by a giant with hands as big as the earth
PS We should check out my neighbor-he is probably an inter-dimensional demon