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Another Amazing Discovery

Pharaohs treasures in pizza shop

Another Amazing Discovery

Another Amazing Discovery Barry!

I have found the lost pyramids of Egypt (or perhaps even Atlantis?) disguised as a small takeaway shop in the city of Blackburn in the wilds of Northern England.

I think this is one of the major finds of the last thousand years and could change all we know about human history (and takeways)

I apologise for the quality of the picture.

I took it with my psychic mind camera (I invented it myself). Blackburn is quite far away from me so the image is a bit fuzzy unlike yesterdays of the lost continent of Atlantis, which is far closer to my home.

There could be untold treasure of gold and jewels inside so all i ask is the return train fare from Leicester to Blackburn and i’ll cut you in for a 40% share. Of course, all media rights belong to me.

What say you Barry? History is within our grasp.

Yours

Colonel Nigel Paperclip Bsc (Hons)

Airship Disaster!!

Party to give away my fortune goes wrong!

Airship Disaster!!

Happy New Year!!!

 It’s been a strange few days. I’ve been moving place to place on the run from Illuminati assassins. Many, many of you have been kind enough to help me out with a bed for the night and I’ve gladly made those people rich beyond their wildest dreams!

 A special shout out to you, Mike of Boulder, Colorado 80301, for teaching me how to smoke a bong while snow boarding backwards. What a crazy day! But you should really do something about that spot on your nose. I think it may be syphilis.

 But things went wrong on New Year’s Eve big style. I’d gotten my butler Ivan to sneak my personal airship, ‘The Barry Balloon’, into the United States so I could hold a lavish New Years party.

 I don’t know how he got it past customs or the US Air Force and when I asked him he just said in that grumpy Russian way he has, ‘I paid a lot of people, a lot of money’ Good! The less money I have, the happier I am!

 I’d invited some of the richest people in the world to the party and planned to give away a substantial part of my fortune — rich people love money especially when they don’t have to do anything for it, so I had high hopes that 2018 would get off to an awesome start.

 It was a disaster. The Illuminati had sneaked an assassin on board disguised as formula one champion and world fashion icon Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton pulled an enormous elephant gun from his sweatpants just as we got to the second chorus of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and I had to run for my life from the party to the airship’s cockpit.

 As I ran into the cockpit, with the Illuminati Hamilton bearing down on me like a Mclaran on a Ferrari, I tripped over Ivan my butler, and Hollywood great Angela Lansbury arm wrestling on the floor. I flew across the cockpit, slammed into the controls and we nosedived towards the flat Kansas Prairie, far, far below. Illuminati Hamilton, realising we were about to crash, turned into a ball of light and melted through the airships skin. It was perhaps the strangest thing I have ever witnessed.

 Worse was to come. We hit an isolated farm house and as the screams and cries of the great and the good filled the airship I realised we had crashed into a BitCoin mine! Hundreds of glistening BitCoins were pouring into the cockpit and I was now (unless the Chinese Communist Party decide to restrict their crypto-currency exchanges through upcoming legislation) more cashed up than I had ever been.

When will I ever be free?!!!!!

Down On The Farm!

Plain country living

Down On The Farm!

After my appeal for help earlier this week after I discovered I’m on an Illuminati hit list I’ve been moved by all the offers.

Moved to never give out any money again—only two people offered me sanctuary during this time of great danger. But God Bless the two that did, they will receive their Bit Coins shortly.

I’m now holed up on a farm in the American mid west with my butler Ivan.

I won’t say precisely where (and i’m posting this from a signal that is being routed through 23 proxies and bounced off Alex Jones’ head)  but Olney, Illinois has a very nice diner where the good folks of the town meet to discuss the day.

I think they were a bit shocked when I walked in. Maybe it was my Karl Lagerfeld suit or that i ordered a vegan breakfast or that Ivan spoon fed me every last morsel. But it soon settled down.

When I left I tipped the waitress 10K USD and she decided there and then to come work for me. A couple of families that saw me give me the small tip, invited me to dinner this evening. 

Seems they are some good folks left in the world!

But the Illuminati still loom and I’m a moment ago I could hear one of them scuttling around in the back yard. I’m sending Ivan out to have a look and will report back later….

PS To the Illuminati who hacked the blog. there aren’t any WH Smiths in southern Illinois! They can’t even read here here! Let alone have newstands. Haven’t thought your cunning plan through have you?