Hello faithful readers,
I’m still on the run from the Illuminati with Chris, my trusty dolphin companion sewn into my back. He says hello.
I’m posting from a secret location next door to Alex Jones’ Infowars studio in Austin, Texas. My predicament is so dangerous at the moment that I don’t know whether I’ll live through the next 5 minutes. Nevermind if this website will be here tomorrow. Dark forces have taken it down twice already.
To safeguard all the secret knowledge I am discovering (the revelations will blow your mind) on my adventures with Chris The Dolphin, I’ve decided to publish a weekly ebook and distributed it through Amazon.
This way millions of people will be able to download the book and a new age of freedom will dawn for mankind.
The first episode is called ‘The Dolphin Death Room’ and is part one of ‘The Barry Chronicles’ Get it here
Each week, if I haven't been erased from history, I will update with another instalment
Truth should always be free so from 00.00 GMT Tuesday 5th Feb 2018 to Saturday 10th Feb 2018 'The Dolphin Death Room' will be FREE to download and then priced at $0.99 (the cheapest Amazon will allow)
You can read it on your tablet, mobile phone, computer or any device that has the Kindle App. Click on the book title above to go directly to the Kindle store HERE
I’ve got to go now. Chris, my dolphin companion, is saying that there is a Flying Illuminati pyramid in the area and it has detected our transmission.
Over & Out
I wake with a start. My head throbbing. Opening one eye slowly I realise I am lying face down in a pool of blood. I try to push myself up off the floor, but it feels like there is a dead weight on my shoulders. Raising my head as much as I can I blink my other eye open. Where am I? Who am I? Why have I got a dolphin……aaaghhhh! Now I am up. Punching and slapping the dolphin that appears to have been sewn onto my back. In a desperate attempt to remove the stinking aquatic mammal I spin around furiously tripping over a dead scientist and crashing into an operating table. “Barry! Barry! Fucking stop it or you’ll kill us both”
I must be hallucinating - the dolphin is talking to me. I stop dead still and close my eyes. I have some experience with drugs having once shared a rolled up cannabis joint with my roommate at MIT. I hated it but I learned that if you concentrated very very hard, you could turn off drugs like a light switch. I close my eyes and think of nice things like tea at Claridges and getting a back rub from my best friend and butler, Ivan. My reverie is broken by the dolphin whispering in my ear “wake up Barry we’ve got to go - they’re coming - move it move it."
I open my eyes and only now see the full horror of my surroundings. I'm in some kind of underground cave that has been turned into part science lab, part operating theatre, part sea world adventure playground. I’m tempted to have a quick go on the seahorse themed bouncy castle but survival instinct takes over, and I race for the door. Flinging it open reveals we’re actually inside an industrial warehouse. We rush to the next door and we are inside a giant aircraft hanger. Fuck me - this has to be the work of Those That Control Us. I head to the next door knowing full well what to expect - yes through this door, and we’re inside a cave. You’ve got to admire the Illuminati in a way. Classic. But wait what’s this? A chink of light in the cave wall! I run over to it and dive through head first. The dolphin screams, but we’re through - it’s just a curtain painstakingly embroidered to look like a cave.
"My name's Chris by the way," says my new dolphin appendage "run Barry run"
We Still Have Him
We have him. We have Barry. Thanks to our friends in law enforcement, who we own, we have him. We knew Barry wouldn't be able to resist using Alexa at some point to turn off his lights. Once his voice was isolated and triggered our systems we just had to get the NSA to pinpoint the location. HaHahhahhahha!.
Mr Derbyshire is now being held in one of our FUN HOUSE dark sites undergoing interrogation and reprogramming. HaHahhahhahha!
Ratio Imperium Quod Es
Fish mammals want a word
Come back To Us Barry. Come Back To Us Barry.
Put Your Cares Down
And Come Back To Us Barry.
Pharaohs treasures in pizza shop
Another Amazing Discovery Barry!
I have found the lost pyramids of Egypt (or perhaps even Atlantis?) disguised as a small takeaway shop in the city of Blackburn in the wilds of Northern England.
I think this is one of the major finds of the last thousand years and could change all we know about human history (and takeways)
I apologise for the quality of the picture.
I took it with my psychic mind camera (I invented it myself). Blackburn is quite far away from me so the image is a bit fuzzy unlike yesterdays of the lost continent of Atlantis, which is far closer to my home.
There could be untold treasure of gold and jewels inside so all i ask is the return train fare from Leicester to Blackburn and i’ll cut you in for a 40% share. Of course, all media rights belong to me.
What say you Barry? History is within our grasp.
Colonel Nigel Paperclip Bsc (Hons)