Dear Barry,

I write in desperation. You are my only hope. I think i am losing my mind!!!!!!!!

Ever since I can remember I have been stalked by a mystery figure who appears on any reflective glass surfaces in every house or place i lived or visited. Cars, stores, you name it, these figures appears!

I have no idea who this mystery figure is (i get so frightened i never look for longer than a milisecond) all i know is i get scared and lash out and have to smash the glass.

I am now live in a windowless apartment in Detroit, drink from stone beakers and have to wear chain mail gloves whenever i go out. I am at my wits end at what to do. 

Please send a couple of million dollars so I can get to the bottom of this.

Yours 

Marlon

PS The terrorizer showed up on my ipad screen as i wrote this and I had to smash the shit out of it. So please add a thousand bucks to my total. 

Comments (2)

• 

  Geoff, the destroyer of worlds

  • 21 February 2017 at 10:49
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  Seems to me that you have lost your mind - the mystery figure is actually just your reflection. Barry would be wasting his cash giving it to you - there are far more deserving people on here begging for very REAL things like planet saving time travel and stuff like that.

  reply

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  Anneonymouse

  • 22 February 2017 at 19:53
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  is this for real?

  reply