: Begs

Post your begs for Barry's consideration - begging form


A CHANCE TO SAVE OUR PLANET

now is the time to act!

A CHANCE TO SAVE OUR PLANET

Dear Barry,

As you are no doubt aware we live in a world that is increasingly beset by environmental problems.

Climate change, crop failure and the ever dwindling carbon based fuel resources show that we are in a lot of trouble and that if we don’t do something soon future generations will be doomed to live with our inaction.

In my own way I had been trying to ‘do my bit’ to help forestall this calamity that faces us.

I switched off my lights when I drove at night, only made essential toilet trips and carry home my groceries in a shopping bag made of hemp and spider’s webs.

But it still felt like I wasn’t doing enough.

Then I hit on a way to make myself totally self-sufficient, a method where I can meet all my energy needs without having to rely on the government grid, and maybe, just maybe give the world a new energy source.

I designed a working prototype myself (I was engineer James Watt in a previous life) and pleased with the results, I installed one for the neighbor’s either side of me.

They both worked perfectly and the neighbors were ecstatic with the results. (Though both are addicted to ecstasy so that could have been their normal state).

The only problem is fuel.

My device is powered by a product and method that is repellent and offensive to many-it runs on the blood of kittens.

At first securing a supply wasn’t a problem-I live with my mum and she is the prototype ‘crazy cat lady’, so I had enough fuel for my experiments.

But soon my mother’s supply ran out and I had to resort to scanning the local craiglist for kittens being given away.

I’m proud to say that even though tempted I never stole any of the neighborhood kittens, though I did find myself at the local canal hoping someone would turn up with a bag of the squirming creatures.

Anyways, I’ve rambled on enough.

What I need is funds to start my own kitten farm.

I envision acres and acres of kittens hooked up to machines providing blood to fuel my machines. This would be more humane than the present method as they would be kept alive rather than having to be killed.

So come on Barry, give generously and let’s save this planet!

Yours truly,

Mr Jonathan Felixstowe

 

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???!!!

Please please help

Dear Barry

I am at the end of my tether, something terrible has happened and I need your help.

The other day a delivery man accidently dropped off a neighbors package at my door.

I’m ashamed to admit this but I opened the package and found a mysterious glass fronted black box inside. It had a plug, so I plugged it in the corner and then all hell broke loose.

A strange man appeared in the box and started talking really, really, really fast.

I nearly shat meself and ran upstairs and hid in a wardrobe. I haven’t been down there since except to take a picture of what I believe is a psychic invasion like that one through the fridge in Ghostbusters.

Have a look at it and see what you think? Frightening isn’t to think such a creature is loose in our world?

If you could send me some money or even better hire an army of psychic investigators to come round my house we can stop what could be the end of our world.

Yours trembling like a leaf being shook in a washing machine in a richter scale 6 earthquake in a country being wobbled by a giant with hands as big as the earth

Wade

PS We should check out my neighbor-he is probably an inter-dimensional demon

 

TESTING TIMES

it has snowballed

TESTING TIMES

Dear Barry

I went hiking in the wilderness without telling anyone where I was going, and then in a deep, narrow crevice, got my scrotum trapped between a boulder and the canyon wall. I know - painful.

I was there for 128 hours before, delirious and hallucinating, I bit off one of my testicles and spat it out freeing myself from my rocky prison.

Unfortunately my testicle rolled down the mountain gathering snow until it became a giant 1km wide testicle death snowball. It flattened my village at the bottom of the valley, killing my entire family, including Auntie Chiang-chup and my fiancee Tshe-wang, who was pregnant.

I am an upbeat and resilient person and am optimistic that when the snow thaws I will be able to find my missing testicle which should have been preserved in the ice.

I require funding to take my bollock to the big hospital in the city where I am confident it can be reattached and I can find a new woman to impregnate.

I have looked at the prices on the web and bollock reattachment ops are very pricey.

Can you help?

PROPULSION DEVICE/ ENVIRONMENT

Cars, Planes, Energy Power Plants, Rocket Engines

I have a design for a propulsion device that will revolutionize mankind overnight....

My major problem is that I can not find an investor thats not tied into one of those fields that would be affected when this comes to truition economically.

Its environmentally friendly and doesnt burn oil.

I am offering you 49% of corperation that wil own the patent and copyright of the design.

So in essance i am offering you money 1000 times what you have now if you will have the faith in me.

Please call Charles

-I BEG BARRY WITH SHEKIL-

PAYPAL: LIZ.JAS@GMAIL.COM

Who is have been long held outside wishing

I find one more five dollor item I beg to live inside for the week.

I love it out there, whois in there sitting down.

I walked out of the Hemet Bank with a newspaper blue cellophane wrapping a loan copy: Just as I let in I was let down, so since I was let out I returned a spitfire and calmly rode the seat accross the parking to see laid marble with etched names' Uninterested, the same names' I remembered a small rectangular sign that read EMergenCY.

The Bissle belonging to the landlords' ol tenet for Santa Monica laid it down to me that the garage is 'off limits! I pulled Bissel out into that side room to seal it befine,the first door.ere.

In betwwen is a piece of matching carpet that each carport car owner steps upon to go into the hallway stair well into a downstairs closet that's locked.

That piece of carpet had black oil all over. So I had to mix 1/3 degreeser with tap water all day long to complete begging barry you know.

So after that I placed the big Bissle with a find that I brought from behind Walmart, a couple miles,and blocked the back of the first door.

If my severe action did not gain this E-mail to give 500,000 sheiKles than I beg you barry for five hundred thousands Man.