As you are no doubt aware we live in a world that is increasingly beset by environmental problems.
Climate change, crop failure and the ever dwindling carbon based fuel resources show that we are in a lot of trouble and that if we don’t do something soon future generations will be doomed to live with our inaction.
In my own way I had been trying to ‘do my bit’ to help forestall this calamity that faces us.
I switched off my lights when I drove at night, only made essential toilet trips and carry home my groceries in a shopping bag made of hemp and spider’s webs.
But it still felt like I wasn’t doing enough.
Then I hit on a way to make myself totally self-sufficient, a method where I can meet all my energy needs without having to rely on the government grid, and maybe, just maybe give the world a new energy source.
I designed a working prototype myself (I was engineer James Watt in a previous life) and pleased with the results, I installed one for the neighbor’s either side of me.
They both worked perfectly and the neighbors were ecstatic with the results. (Though both are addicted to ecstasy so that could have been their normal state).
The only problem is fuel.
My device is powered by a product and method that is repellent and offensive to many-it runs on the blood of kittens.
At first securing a supply wasn’t a problem-I live with my mum and she is the prototype ‘crazy cat lady’, so I had enough fuel for my experiments.
But soon my mother’s supply ran out and I had to resort to scanning the local craiglist for kittens being given away.
I’m proud to say that even though tempted I never stole any of the neighborhood kittens, though I did find myself at the local canal hoping someone would turn up with a bag of the squirming creatures.
Anyways, I’ve rambled on enough.
What I need is funds to start my own kitten farm.
I envision acres and acres of kittens hooked up to machines providing blood to fuel my machines. This would be more humane than the present method as they would be kept alive rather than having to be killed.
So come on Barry, give generously and let’s save this planet!
Mr Jonathan Felixstowe