We Still Have Him
We have him. We have Barry. Thanks to our friends in law enforcement, who we own, we have him. We knew Barry wouldn't be able to resist using Alexa at some point to turn off his lights. Once his voice was isolated and triggered our systems we just had to get the NSA to pinpoint the location. HaHahhahhahha!.
Mr Derbyshire is now being held in one of our FUN HOUSE dark sites undergoing interrogation and reprogramming. HaHahhahhahha!
Ratio Imperium Quod Es
Tax Avoidance and Bono Tricks
Dear Mr Derbyshire
I work for The Guardian newspaper in London, and I am currently investigating the Paradise Papers. I would be grateful if you could call me to arrange an interview as I have some serious questions for you.
Your name has turned up 18000 times in connection with what can only be described as an unbelievable number of offshore companies and other tax avoidance schemes. Strange - as I can see from your website that you claim you are trying to get rid of your money rather than hoard it away.
Your name turns up over and over and again, and when I call anybody in regards to my research, I keep getting referred to you. In fact, when I contacted Buckingham Palace regarding the Queen’s investments from her private estate Her Majesty called me herself and said ‘Speak to Bazzer D’. On my way home later the same day, a car with blacked out windows tried to run me over.
I’m also puzzled by the purchase of 12 F-35 Lightning II fighter jets that were bought from Lewis Hamilton in July last year. The £13million retainer you appear to pay Bono every year to perform close up magic tricks has also raised a few eyebrows. These queries are the tip of the iceberg.
I am looking forward to hearing from you Bazzer D
Just call the Guradian Newspaper in London or pop in for a coffee if you are passing.
Subversive needs a submersible
I write to you with an exciting proposal
I’ve recently lost backing for a political project i was working on (it was v succesfull till i got the boot)
I want to take a break for a bit before deciding on what to do next. So was thinking you could buy me an Ohio Class nuclear powered submarine so I can cruise around under the ocean.
In return I will guarantee election as the head of state of any nation you choose.
Let me know as soon as possible.
S Bannon (Soon to be Captain of the USS Bannonator)
Fish mammals want a word
Come back To Us Barry. Come Back To Us Barry.
Put Your Cares Down
And Come Back To Us Barry.
Illuminati Messaging System
I hope this finds you well and that you are happier than the last time we met in Vegas. Life for me is not so great at the moment, and I have returned to work as an Illuminati sex-slave. I’m all over the place. I have been re-programmed and am now called StarBright so please update my contact details.
Are you still into dolphins? I’m not sure why I typed that. Apparently, I have been hypnotised, and a significant message for you is implanted into my brain. Next time we meet you just have to say the trigger phrase ‘Tell me the message from the Illuminati’. Once I’ve passed on the message, then run away as fast as you can because I believe they’ve also programmed me to operate as a level Theta assassin. I can’t be sure, because that's how good hypnosis works, but it is better to be safe than sorry. They've also sent the message by email but are worried it might get lost in your Spam folder because you are still using Gmail.
Could you also return my Star Trek outfit when I see you?
Lots of love
StarBright (née Perry)