: Begs

Post your begs for Barry's consideration - begging form


aliens have my baby


Alright Barry,

I’ll have to be quick-I’m off down the shops but i thought i'd drop you a line and let you know that aliens have kidnapped my baby.

The CCTV at my house captured the aliens during the snatch so if you could get one of your millionaires friends or use your software expertise to track down the extra terrestrials that’s be great. They also took a pet rat.

Don’t be too quick tho, I’m saving a fortune on diapers and baby food. Two weeks should be a good time for me to get her back.

They can keep the pet rat in the spirit of intergalactic friendship.

Nice one,



you have helped before but it didn't work


Dear barry -

it is a while since you last sent me money but alas I require your services again.

The last time you sent me $£10000 to sort out my gambling debts which was much appreciated but as I arrived at the bookies to pay, my phone rang and it was my mate Rich Dave with a dead cert tip for the 2-30.

As it was nearly 2-30 I didn't have much time and Rich Dave is called Rich Dave for a reason - so I put the whole damn lot on. Well not all of it as I'd been in the boozer for 3 days.

Anyway, my thinking was that when the nag came in I'd be able to pay everything off and have a bit left for meself like.

I now owe £15000 and Rich Dave wants it immediately.

He has already broken my fingers so excuse and spelin miustkes as IU am typping wuthjh my nose whilsst drrunk]

Can you help?

Cheers Barry

[I am also a Barry]


A witch did this


Hello Barry,

Hope you can help me.

A witch has turned my children into stone and they now languish at the local pederast crossing.

I've included a pic of their terrible state.

I need money to get a wizard to lift the curse.

He is quoting 6000 Euros and a set of continental all weather tyres.

Please help






I wrote to you recently about my sighting of Stalin on the moon.

You chose to ignore my warnings and now the situation is even worse.

last night I was staring at the moon and i saw this painted on it. i'm sure you know who it is but in case living in your billionaire bubble has isolated you from history i will tell you who it is. ADOLF HITLER!!!!!

I'm not sure who grafittied the image of the architect of Blitzkrieg and the Korean War-aliens? Space Nazis from the future? Banksy with a special laser etcher?

But to have this monstrous image painted on the moon two days after Stalin's appearance is disturbing to say the least.

This is your last chance to help me with some new photo gear or I will be passing my findings on to NASA.

Good day (OR IS IT???!!!)


Very Important


hi Barry,

Last night i was out in my garden staring at the moon. I often do this to relax after a hard days work watching the sun.

Imagine my surprise when i saw the face of former Soviet leader, Joseph Stalin, appear on the surface of our nearest celestial neighbour.

Luckily i had my camera with me at the time (i was testing whether the flash would improve the growth rate of my lawn) and managed to get a shot off and capture this cosmological phenomena.

It's not too clear but if you look very closely you can see the hero of Stalingrad and Pearl Harbor splashed like german blood across the sea of tranquility.

Anyways, what i am asking for is some money for a telescope that has a picture taking function. It shouldn't cost much-say 20.000 and then we could get to the bottom of this baffling lunar mystery.