Calling all agents of the Illuminati, assassins, mercenaries, bounty hunters and proprietors of PayPoint outlets - we have a CCTV image of Mr Barry Derbyshire taken this morning at a SPAR convenience store on the Croydon Road. We know it is him. Find him. Kill him. Then bring him to us so we can hang him on the wall of the office. You can keep Chris and eat him.
All the best
Peter is a small horse
Hope you are having a good day and the Illuminati haven't caught you yet. I'm a big fan of your books and have been following your plight with interest.
You see I was also asked to join the Illuminati and refused. At that time I was working on high-level USA/CIA government projects/plots the exact nature of which I can no longer remember. Or don't want to remember. I believe I was abducted and tortured and when I awoke the evil bastards had attached a unicorn to my back. At least I thought it was a unicorn. It turned out that my companion is a small white pony called Peter. The horn bit that made me believe he was a unicorn was, in fact, fake - put there as a joke to freak me out by my tormentors.
Since then I too have been on a quest to uncover the truth. Unfortunately, Peter has turned to drink and is a real hindrance, so I have put my search for answers on hold until Peter sorts his head out. I probably should have let him believe he was a unicorn.
I can, however, offer you some advice which may help you and Chris.
- Some people aren't real. Up to about 35% of the general population we encounter in our daily lives are actors.
- Roughly 5% of the above mentioned 35% are highly advanced AI robot/human hybrids and can run very fast and are very, very clever.
- I believe that up to 72% of what we see is a hologram and we have been born into a system that has nothing to do with reality and is, in fact, a form of slavery.
- Stay away from shops displaying the PayPoint sign. They are all traps, and most of the snacks on sale are dangerously out of date.
- The Nazis fled to America at the end of WWII and secretly took over the country with their friends the Communists - they're all in it together, Barry. Once the fascists, the commies, and the Illuminati joined forces that was it. GAME OVER for humanity. The world we live in now is an illusion, carefully constructed by the Illuminati to hide this fact and to keep themselves, and their totalitarian bum chums in charge. Just because they've done some good stuff like satellite TV and cheap burgers doesn't mean we should let them get away with it.
Do not fail Barry. Find them. Find the ones that did this to us and save the world.
Or is He a Double Agent or maybe even a False Flag Interrogation Dolphin?
Hope this finds you well.
You may think that you can escape the Illuminati with the help of Chris but can you trust him? Have you ever wondered why we attached a dolphin to your back using a very complicated and expensive surgical procedure? It's not an operation that you can have done by your pathetic NHS! Even if you could then the waiting lists for full body dolphin grafts would probably be ridiculous.
The truth is that Chris may or may not work for us, but you'll never be sure. If you don't believe us then google 'CIA/Illuminati dolphin brainwashing and interrogation techniques', and you'll find that we have used aquatic creatures to get into the minds of our victims for thousands of years. HaaHHaaa! In fact, the first recorded use of a false flag dolphin graft was when Marcus Crassus used one on Spartacus, and we all know what happened to him. If you don't then the movie version is on Netflix - it's historically incorrect but you'll get the gist.
Give it up Barry - turn yourself in and don't listen to Chris and his double/triple bluff about us using both of you to help us/them or you find the lost continent of Atlantis. We/you or all of us might not even be interested.
See you soon
Those That Control You
We Still Have Him
We have him. We have Barry. Thanks to our friends in law enforcement, who we own, we have him. We knew Barry wouldn't be able to resist using Alexa at some point to turn off his lights. Once his voice was isolated and triggered our systems we just had to get the NSA to pinpoint the location. HaHahhahhahha!.
Mr Derbyshire is now being held in one of our FUN HOUSE dark sites undergoing interrogation and reprogramming. HaHahhahhahha!
Ratio Imperium Quod Es
Tax Avoidance and Bono Tricks
Dear Mr Derbyshire
I work for The Guardian newspaper in London, and I am currently investigating the Paradise Papers. I would be grateful if you could call me to arrange an interview as I have some serious questions for you.
Your name has turned up 18000 times in connection with what can only be described as an unbelievable number of offshore companies and other tax avoidance schemes. Strange - as I can see from your website that you claim you are trying to get rid of your money rather than hoard it away.
Your name turns up over and over and again, and when I call anybody in regards to my research, I keep getting referred to you. In fact, when I contacted Buckingham Palace regarding the Queen’s investments from her private estate Her Majesty called me herself and said ‘Speak to Bazzer D’. On my way home later the same day, a car with blacked out windows tried to run me over.
I’m also puzzled by the purchase of 12 F-35 Lightning II fighter jets that were bought from Lewis Hamilton in July last year. The £13million retainer you appear to pay Bono every year to perform close up magic tricks has also raised a few eyebrows. These queries are the tip of the iceberg.
I am looking forward to hearing from you Bazzer D
Just call the Guradian Newspaper in London or pop in for a coffee if you are passing.