We have him. We have Barry. Thanks to our friends in law enforcement, who we own, we have him. We knew Barry wouldn't be able to resist using Alexa at some point to turn off his lights. Once his voice was isolated and triggered our systems we just had to get the NSA to pinpoint the location. HaHahhahhahha!.

Mr Derbyshire is now being held in one of our FUN HOUSE dark sites undergoing interrogation and reprogramming. HaHahhahhahha!

Kind regards

Ratio Imperium Quod Es

Dear Mr Derbyshire

I work for The Guardian newspaper in London, and I am currently investigating the Paradise Papers. I would be grateful if you could call me to arrange an interview as I have some serious questions for you.

Your name has turned up 18000 times in connection with what can only be described as an unbelievable number of offshore companies and other tax avoidance schemes. Strange - as I can see from your website that you claim you are trying to get rid of your money rather than hoard it away.

Your name turns up over and over and again, and when I call anybody in regards to my research, I keep getting referred to you. In fact, when I contacted Buckingham Palace regarding the Queen’s investments from her private estate Her Majesty called me herself and said ‘Speak to Bazzer D’. On my way home later the same day, a car with blacked out windows tried to run me over. 

I’m also puzzled by the purchase of 12 F-35 Lightning II fighter jets that were bought from Lewis Hamilton in July last year. The £13million retainer you appear to pay Bono every year to perform close up magic tricks has also raised a few eyebrows. These queries are the tip of the iceberg.

I am looking forward to hearing from you Bazzer D

Just call the Guradian Newspaper in London or pop in for a coffee if you are passing.

Dear Barry,

How’s things?

I write to you with an exciting proposal

I’ve recently lost backing for a political project i was working on (it was v succesfull till i got the boot)

I want to take a break for a bit before deciding on what to do next. So was thinking you could buy me an Ohio Class nuclear powered submarine so I can cruise around under the ocean.

In return I will guarantee election as the head of state of any nation you choose.

Let me know as soon as possible.

Cheers

S Bannon (Soon to be Captain of the USS Bannonator)

Hi Barry,

As you may have noticed there is a lot of anger in the world these days. Many folks are worried about all the tension and outrage that is floating on the air.

I am not.

In fact I am very excited. Why you ask?

 Because I have after many years of intense research discovered the secret to harvesting  and converting atmospheric human emotion to electricity.

I can’t give away any secrets but basically I place my angry antenna somewhere high and it picks up all the bad vibes floating across the atmosphere.  It then runs from there to a set of re-chargable lithium batteries where it is stored till needed.

The angrier people are the quicker the quicker the batteries fill up.

Think of it, everytime you have a shouting match with a loved one, or a social media battle my angry antenna will pick it up and generate power. It could change the world.

Angry at Donald Trump? You’ve just helped a hospital run its lights for a week.  Angry at Hilary Clinton? Your rage has helped power a water well in the Sudan. Stubbed your toe? An cat orphanage in Argentina X Ray machine will work.

So what do i want from you? My invention works but I now need funds to buy Nikolai Tesla’s old lab at Wardencliffe, New York.

Here I will erect a three thousand foot tall tower to harvest the pissed off energy of New York City.

But the area it can pick up may even reach to Quebec — think of all the anger flowing from French Canadians made to speak English)

I think it’s only fitting that i should unveil to the world my discovery at such a hallowed place in suppressed innovation. And once they see it soon Angry Towers will be all over the world

I won’t lie, it will be expensive, 40 million dollars but it’s a small price to pay to change the world.

I know you will do what is right,

Best,

Montrose Patrick Ellen

Come back  To Us Barry. Come Back To Us Barry. 

Put Your Cares Down

And Come Back To Us Barry.

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