I can tell by your profile picture that like me you are a man fond of gold and charity. I hope you will be able to help me in my golden charitable endeavours.
It really is for a good cause—athletes that have fallen on hard times. And dentistry.
As you know (or may not, after-all I don’t live inside your head) many top Olympians end up in the poorhouse or humiliating themselves after their careers have ended because of age or after having accidentally stood on needles containing performance enhancing drugs.
Jesse Owens had to race against horses for cash, Britain’s Olympic cyclist Sir Bradley Wiggins had his haircut sponsored by Cleethorpes’ Paul Weller fan club and Usain Bolt secretly acts as a human compass for the Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan.
Don’t believe me? Check out the next time he does his arrow pose—he’s always pointing to magnetic north.
I want this to stop before we see the likes of 17 time gold winner swimmer Michael Phelps starring as a murderous Walrus on Game of Thrones (though that would be kinda of cool) so here’s my proposal;
You give me 79 million dollars so I can go round buying up Olympic champions’ gold medals. They get the cash and live lives free of humiliation, I get to keep the medals for my own use.
What use you ask? Well, I have always had problems with my teeth and need a full mouth replacement I’m going to melt all the medals down to make a set of dental implants.
I then plan to travel the world and allow anyone who asks to brush my golden grill, so both spreading the Olympic spirit of ‘can do’ and keeping my 24 carrat chiclets in good condition.
Please answer my proposal by sunrise.
PS4 and maybe iPad
Greetings Barry I hope you are well and good I live in a small village in Africa and I am proper bored. There really is nothing to do out here it is dull and shit. Me and my friends just have an old wheel and a stick to play with. Hoping you can send us a Playstation 4 system - one each preferably so we can play CoD Some way of generating electricity would be handy and a new bucket for my mother. And iPad for when we get wifi from Mark Zuckerberg.
superior personalised transport
Yesterday I awoke with a terrible pain in my wallet and decided I had to get out of my mansion.
I dressed down in cheap Gap clothing so I’d blend in with the masses and not draw attention to myself. God I felt bad.
I left, sneaking past my bodyguards, and out onto the street. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do.
It was exhilarating just being outside. On the spur of the moment I jumped on a bus, I really wanted to see and hear poor people talking and this seemed like a good way of getting close to them.
Christ, I hadn’t been on public transport since I took acid at college. What a scene! you people are in a much worse state than I thought. The awful smell of sweat and cheap perfume made me retch.The incessant moaning and griping about this and that.
I must say it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life. I secretly placed the entire contents of my wallet, including my black Amex card, in one fat old woman’s bag and then jumped off the bus at the first stop, satisfied that I had made someone’s day.
I headed back home, but had forgotten where I lived. Nightmare really - I had to get one of my butlers to pick me up in the helicopter.
It’s actually a new Bell BA609 Tiltrotor. What a great machine. A billionaire like me could conceivably take off from the helipad of a country house outside London, fly in comfort to a meeting in Frankfurt in just 60 minutes, then fly on to Zurich, Milan and back home for early dinner. All with a minimum of ground transportation requirements..
Back home in no time!
All the best Barry
Hi Barry - this is along shot and I'm not sure if you even like football but Arsene Wenger must go. If you could buy Arsenal Football club you could simultaneously lose a lot of your cash and replace the manager with someone who knows what they are doing maybe - Tony Pulis or Big Sam would be better.
True cost of removing evil
Have you ever wondered why we spent millions of billions removing an evil Arab dictor from power.
Yes I have wondered.
With current rolling news mess in our faces, first Egypt, then the other ones. These guys have been doing revolution for less than $1000 - the true cost of removing evil.
I won't mention Lybia or Siriah. Too expensive for my tastes.
Not billions millions. What does it cost. A Facebook account = free. twitter account also free. Maybe some photocopying $250.
Permanent markers. permanent martyrs LOL.
Sticks, stones < free on the sidewalk. maybe some gas for throwing. But whatever you say it don't cost American body bags no more.
I have an idea for an iPhone App - kind of quick start Arab dictor revolution swiss army knife app.
You can set up Facegroup, Twitter angry Arab groups with one click. set you budget, find nearest copy shop and more. Status updates of revolutions in progress would be nice.
Estimate $10000 for dev work.
App would be free download as I don't want to make money out of Arabs but would like to do my bit.
Awaiting your immediate response.