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MIDGETBALL

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MIDGETBALL

Barry,

As the phrase goes 'a picture tells a thousand words' and so does the one next to my beg-thousands of millions of dollars from my new sport 'Midgetball'

I want bore you with the rules or even how the game is played.

i don't need to

this sport has midgets with balls surgically attached to their heads. Which is pretty much what every healthy human on the planet wants from their athletic entertainment.

Lets get this started!

UGLY DOG REQUIRES HELP

surgery for Gary

UGLY DOG REQUIRES HELP

Dear Barry

I am in need of some money to help cheer up my dog - Gary Neville, I know it is a funny name for a dog but I am an avid Man U fan.

Gary has not been himself for a number of weeks. I have tried everything to cheer him up, including buying him new clothes and shoes, taking him to expensive restaurants and I have even bought him a Nintendo Wii. Nothing seems to work.

He is really down and I'm at my wits end.

I am thinking that plastic surgery might be the only answer.

I often hear people saying " Ugly dog" and "Ugly fat bitch" when I go to the shops. I think Gary has overheard these comments because dogs have very, very good hearing.

I am fat and ugly myself and so I know how these kind of comments hurt. I was thinking that I could get a plastic surgeon to make him look like the real Gary Neville and then the comments wouldn't be so bad.

Please send €15000 so I can get him fixed up.

If you can't send it let me know and I'll have him killed and get a cat instead.

Thank you

AALTJE, LEIDEN, NETHERLANDS

ALPHABET

New letter will mean a new world

ALPHABET

barry,

I need 20 milion US to fund my research into the 27th letter of the alphabet.

I can't say any more right now in case the Character Set Squad from Microsoft or the Keyboard Association Of North America are watching.

This is going to be big barry, bigger than anyone can imagine. maybe bigger than when the letter 'z' was discovered in Tutenkhamun's tomb.

don't delay, get in touch today

Lester contact me @

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

FOOTWEAR APOCALYPSE

evil shoes

FOOTWEAR APOCALYPSE

Dear Barry,

I have an urgent funding request.

I need 6 million dollars so I can start a worldwide campaign to abolish the worldwide plague on humanity that are buckles on shoes.

Invented by notorious Elizabethan necromancer John Dee, who designed them when his left foot became possessed after a Halloween ritual went awry, no good has ever come from the placement of the buckle (or the devil’s fasteners as I call them) on footwear.

They are simply cursed.

For example, look what happened to the Indians after they encountered the buckle booted puritans. Or the victims of pirates forever crushed beneath the clasp locked footwear of long-haired privateers.

Over the centuries many notable people have tried to warn us of the dangers of buckle, but such is its evil that it could only be referred to obliquely or through nonsense rhymes.

Take the children’s nursery rhyme ‘Buckle My Shoe’

‘One, two Buckle my shoe

Three, four, Knock at my door

This originally read,

“One, two, Buckle on my shoe,

Three, four, It opens Satan’s door.

Need more proof? Well if you send me the money I will tell you the knowledge that has shaken men’s souls to their very core and the buckles off their boots.

Together if we try very hard, we can rid the world of this insanity in one great big boiling vat of molten buckle fat.

Yours truly,

Jans Skoenveter

PS belt buckles and buckles on bags are to my knowledge safe.

ATM URINARY LEGAL BILL + COMPENSATION CLAIM PROBLEM

busting

ATM URINARY LEGAL BILL + COMPENSATION CLAIM PROBLEM

Dear Barry

I need cash for help with legal bills for my urination problem.

It all started a while back. I was in the line for the ATM on a busy Saturday.

There were 3, maybe 4 people in front and by the time I got to the machine there must have been 6 or 7 more behind me. The thing is , when it was my turn, instead of getting out my card and putting it in the ATM I pulled out my penis and urinated all over the wall and the machine.

I have no idea why I did this but it was like an out of body experience.

It was like I was floating above looking down on this freak urinating over the ATM or like watching a movie or something. The fat fucks behind me were screamin and shoutin and it was mayhem.

I ran off and when I got home I laughed and laughed. I decided I liked it and the public shock I had caused. From that point on I couldn’t go to an ATM without urinating.

It got so bad I was deliberately drinking pints and pints of water until I was fit to burst and then heading out to satisfy my new found perversion.

Eventually I was apprehended by a crowd of angry ATM users who held me down until the cops came.

I now face a hefty fine and compensation claims from angry San Diego residents, not to mention the banks. The Legal bill is going to be big - please help so I don’t go bust.

I would also like to purchase my own ATM machine and install it at home in the bathroom.

Earwyn Banning Jnr